A day in the life me

(this is part of it but no this is not what it is called)

 Have you ever experienced something a psychological phenomenon and knew there had to be a name for it?

Something to help you understand what it is.

I talk to a lot of people. I love to interact and make friends or should I say attempt to make friends. As an adult that isn't quite so easy.

Over the years I have experienced this phenomenon with people... On multiple accounts with different people, different ages, different colors and it has always boggled my mind what it was called.

I felt if I could understand what it was called then I could understand what it was/is and it would help me understand why people felt the need to do it.

For years I have wondered what psychological word describes this phenomenon that I have experienced.

I have spoken to other people regarding this phenomenon. And until recently still couldn't figure out what it would be called.

Example of The phenomenon....

You are friends with someone maybe even a coworker. It seems to be more noticeable when it's someone you talk to on a regular basis so friend/coworker someone you speak with regularly. Other people can do this also but in my personal experience, it just seems more noticeable with people you talk to regularly.

So you're talking to this person It can be about something as simple as what time you're getting off work to something as complex as your marriage is falling apart. And you're talking then you pause or you're finished with what you're saying and then when the other person speaks they might address what you said briefly but then they completely turn the conversation about them about how they're struggling, about what they want to do the weekend, about anything that is about them and not about what you're talking about....

*Don't get this mixed up with people who tell you a story or their own (insert discussing topic) to show you they empathize and understand where you're coming from. That's a whole nother thing.*

And the first time or two this happens you might make an excuse for this person saying they're in their own little world, they're having an off day, Maybe they're struggling. So you just make an excuse.

But then it keeps happening and it becomes a pattern. Sure sometimes they can do the give-and-take conversation like it's supposed to be. But all too often they fall back into this "me, me, me" pattern.

There may have even been times when you have even tried to bring the conversation back to yourself regarding what you are talking about. And it becomes an energy (power) struggle in the conversation. At that point, there is no point in even continuing the conversation unless you just like that sort of drama which I do not so I'll just stop.

Perhaps you have even mentioned this behavior to the person. Explained what they are doing and you really just need to talk about you right now because....(insert reason). And they can't manage it.

It has bothered me endlessly to experience this. At the end of the day, this behavior is not a friend's behavior. If it's a coworker at least you can keep some distance. If this is someone you call a friend it makes putting distance hard sometimes. But there are only so many excuses You can make for these types of people and this behavior.

I always believed it had to have a name It couldn't just be as simple as being selfish which that does play a role in it.

And yes I'm well aware there are psychological problems like narcissism, dark empaths, Machiavellianism, and a whole shit ton of other mental issues that people can have. But this particular phenomenon though very well can happen within these other psychological problems. someone who does not suffer from any other issues can have/do this.

If you have read this far the answer to my question that I have been asking all these years is.

"Personalisation" It literally means when these people are having a conversation with you they are listening to your side of the conversation just enough to be able to have the conversation and turn it back to them.

Thankfully if they become self-aware and want to change they can actually stop behaving in this manner. Perhaps if they choose to learn and grow you could even gain an old friend back.